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Posts Tagged ‘internets’

New Font Ideas

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Being inspired by Ironic Sans, I have come up with some other font ideas.

  • Times New Greek: like the Roman variant but with more pederasty.
  • Tacoma: similar to Tahoma, but will crash your computer irrecoverably if you type at a certain rhythm.
  • Sebastien: the crabbier version of Arial.
  • Millennium Gothic: impractical due to being ten times the size of Century Gothic.
  • AOL Instant Courier: unused because it always comes out as neon pink Comic Sans telling people to look at your pix.
  • Garados: evolved from Garamond at level 20. Learns Dragon Rage.
  • Onager MS: in the same class as Trebuchet MS but uses torsion-powered kerning.
  • Hallucida Sans Unicode: its got trippy code points all over, despite all of them changing and tasting like purple. Also, U+262D is a unicorn and U+2363 can kiss my ass.

A Delighted Greeting

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Dear Internet, Happy Easter:

True Internet Hero

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

There are many an heroes on the internet. Few are the ones who doesn’t afraid of anything. Fewer yet are the True Internet Heroes who exhibit all the qualities one would expect of such an individual.

A True Internet Hero:

  • Can has cheeseburgers
  • Has a bucket
  • Takes off every zig
  • Is over 9000
  • Is approved by Pedobear
  • Has real ultimate power
  • Drinks Power Thirst
  • Knows how to form babby
  • Is in your base
  • Lets love bloom on the battlefield
  • Is not your spoony bard
  • Needs citations
  • Is fine with cats too
  • Likes Mudkips
  • Never gets rick rolled
  • Is charging his lasers
  • Knows that this is Sparta
  • Burninates thatched roofed cottages

Software For the Cheap Masses

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

This weekend I was called upon to fix a friend’s computer of its ills by completely reinstalling Windows. As it is well known, Windows by itself does not suffice an average user in terms of security or functionality. So here I will present my recommended list of consumer software, all of which can be gotten for free.

Browser: Firefox
A No-Brainer. With the last release of Internet Explorer, Microsoft has caught up much lost ground in standards compliance and functionality, but for a mature, secure, and extensible browser, Firefox still reigns supreme. I would recommend with it the Adblock Plus, DownThemAll, Download Statusbar, and Foxmarks extensions.

Anti-Virus: AVG Free
I’ve personally stuck with AVG’s free antivirus since their early days and found it to be a good replacement for personal virus protection when you’re tired of all the for-pay shenanigans of McAffee or the like. Includes everything you need from an anti-virus, has low overhead and doesn’t annoy… much. Just be sure to turn off the Firefox extension they package in.

Text Editor: Notepad++
You might ask why would I want a different text editor when Windows already includes Notepad. Notepad, in a word, sucks. For the technical user, Notepad will not display LF as line breaks, only CR/LF that Windows uses. In addition, its features are scant and handles XML formatting, ubiquitous in today’s world, very poorly.

Chat Client: Pidgin
My most favorite all-in-one client, supports AIM, GTalk, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, IRC, QQ, just about every protocol you could want to talk in. The ability to handle all these different protocols together elegantly and without ads or annoyances makes this the perfect tool for the instant messaging generation.

Office Suite: OpenOffice
These days you can’t escape the inevitable Office documents. Word, Excel, and Powerpoint have become mainstays in our conception of office software. But it doesn’t have to be a one-man game. OpenOffice builds off the Open Source model to present an open platform that aims to be feature complete replacements for the traditional Microsoft affairs at an infinitely more attractive price: free.

Torrent Client: uTorrent
As you might guess, I am a fan of relatively self-contained apps that do what they should and don’t mess up other things. In that, uTorrent is a winner. This tiny program is a fully fledged feature-rich torrent client that won’t mess up your hair. Best part? The program is all there is, no messy installation/uninstallation.

The Story of Our Generation

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

“Well crap, time to call the plumber” would have been the reaction of the past generation to a clogged toilet. But not for ours.

I was fortunate enough in my youth to have encountered many a toilets to have learned not only to plunge a toilet, but snake one as well. I was with the silent masses who cried against the government regulation to reduce the volume of water per flush in toilets. I had seen my share of rank and foul porcelain fixtures. But not many of my generation has shared my fortune.

Sometime during the cold months of New York when Darkness had majority vote over Light, a friend visited me. During the visit, my guest’s bowel movements had the unfortunate effect of ceasing the water flow in my humble latrine. This being rather soon after I moved into a new apartment, I hadn’t had the chance to procure the essential tools to rectify the situation. Thinking nothing of it, I left for work. As we met later in the day, my friend glowed with pride over having purchased a plunger for me and unclogged the toilet without my aid. I thought the pride was mayhaps exaggerated, but asked nonetheless how the task was accomplished.

“I looked it up on wikiHow first.”

Lo, the story of our generation.

Postscript – After the visit, I had recounted the story to another cohort of mine, however the conversation soon devolved into a comparison of how snaking a toilet might be similar in method to performing an abortion. Verily, the story of our generation.