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Archive for March, 2009

True Internet Hero

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

There are many an heroes on the internet. Few are the ones who doesn’t afraid of anything. Fewer yet are the True Internet Heroes who exhibit all the qualities one would expect of such an individual.

A True Internet Hero:

  • Can has cheeseburgers
  • Has a bucket
  • Takes off every zig
  • Is over 9000
  • Is approved by Pedobear
  • Has real ultimate power
  • Drinks Power Thirst
  • Knows how to form babby
  • Is in your base
  • Lets love bloom on the battlefield
  • Is not your spoony bard
  • Needs citations
  • Is fine with cats too
  • Likes Mudkips
  • Never gets rick rolled
  • Is charging his lasers
  • Knows that this is Sparta
  • Burninates thatched roofed cottages

Alternate Condom Usage

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

So in my recent internet scouring, I have come across a massive condom discount, on the order of 100 for $12. Now I’m not in a position to fully make use of this offer, but some of you might. After all, an average of one per 3.65 days is required to fill the year with uh… activities, and that is not an unreasonable rate, considering the shelf-life of latex condoms is around 5 years.

For those without a 2P with whom one may share this multiplayer experience (hot-seat only; if anybody knows of an online multiplayer solution, please contact asap), here are 20 secondary uses for your dozen-dollar hundred-count:
  1. Water bag
  2. Balloon
  3. Rubber band
  4. Surgical tubing
  5. Garrote
  6. String for a bow
  7. Waterproof small electronics cover
  8. Ropemaking
  9. Personal floatation device
  10. Hair ribbon
  11. Bow tie
  12. Bling
  13. Individual fingerprint mask/finger glove
  14. Sausage casing
  15. Temporary fishbowl
  16. Permanent fishbowl
  17. Disposable test tube
  18. Hypoxic rebreather
  19. Popsicle mold
  20. Nuclear waste containment

Software For the Cheap Masses

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

This weekend I was called upon to fix a friend’s computer of its ills by completely reinstalling Windows. As it is well known, Windows by itself does not suffice an average user in terms of security or functionality. So here I will present my recommended list of consumer software, all of which can be gotten for free.

Browser: Firefox
A No-Brainer. With the last release of Internet Explorer, Microsoft has caught up much lost ground in standards compliance and functionality, but for a mature, secure, and extensible browser, Firefox still reigns supreme. I would recommend with it the Adblock Plus, DownThemAll, Download Statusbar, and Foxmarks extensions.

Anti-Virus: AVG Free
I’ve personally stuck with AVG’s free antivirus since their early days and found it to be a good replacement for personal virus protection when you’re tired of all the for-pay shenanigans of McAffee or the like. Includes everything you need from an anti-virus, has low overhead and doesn’t annoy… much. Just be sure to turn off the Firefox extension they package in.

Text Editor: Notepad++
You might ask why would I want a different text editor when Windows already includes Notepad. Notepad, in a word, sucks. For the technical user, Notepad will not display LF as line breaks, only CR/LF that Windows uses. In addition, its features are scant and handles XML formatting, ubiquitous in today’s world, very poorly.

Chat Client: Pidgin
My most favorite all-in-one client, supports AIM, GTalk, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, IRC, QQ, just about every protocol you could want to talk in. The ability to handle all these different protocols together elegantly and without ads or annoyances makes this the perfect tool for the instant messaging generation.

Office Suite: OpenOffice
These days you can’t escape the inevitable Office documents. Word, Excel, and Powerpoint have become mainstays in our conception of office software. But it doesn’t have to be a one-man game. OpenOffice builds off the Open Source model to present an open platform that aims to be feature complete replacements for the traditional Microsoft affairs at an infinitely more attractive price: free.

Torrent Client: uTorrent
As you might guess, I am a fan of relatively self-contained apps that do what they should and don’t mess up other things. In that, uTorrent is a winner. This tiny program is a fully fledged feature-rich torrent client that won’t mess up your hair. Best part? The program is all there is, no messy installation/uninstallation.

Gems from the Past – 2

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

The ultimate form for a story, the short short story:

I sit alone in my dark room, staring out a window. Dim streetlights pour their dirty yellow bits of light into the infinite of night. And yet, the darkness swallows it straight up.

A figure appears in the light. Who is it? I squint.

Hard to say from the shadowy silhouette who it is.

A flash of lightning. Strange. It’s not storm season yet. Winter’s only begun to slip its reluctant hands off the Spring air.

It’s freezing out here. There’s a person in a window looking down at me. Who is it? I squint.

Hard to say from the shadowy silhouette who it is.

Then I step into the light, and stare straight into my own eyes.

And I wake up.

Piano Practice

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

I apologize for not posting lately. I’ve gone to practice the piano because of this: